Shades of gray

No to Ageism, Yes to Aging

This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism author Ashton Applewhite rocks, ever since I read her April 2015 post about starting a campaign for Letting Our Hair Go Gray, and coloring her naturally brown hair a shade of gray.  During this experiment, she concluded “gray hair + confidence is an empowering and liberating combo.  I hope to see more people rocking the look ...”  

"Love means never having to say you’re sorry" about gray hair … At age 75 (in 2014), actress and style icon Ali MacGraw finally embraced gray hair (to match her natural eyebrows!), after being surrounded by “grown-up women” in her hometown of Santa Fe—away from the superficiality of la-la land.  Glamour magazine reported celebrities of all ages who also rocked the granny hair vogue. Esquire featured “The Men Who Rock Silver Hair Right." According to San Francisco Chronicle, it’s never too young to go gray.  The New York Times noted, “For Millennial Men, Gray Hair is Welcome” in the tradition of artist Andy Warhol who dyed his hair gray in his early 20s.

Instead of being trendy, I prefer low-maintenance so I just let nature take its course with my graying head of hair (plus wrinkles).  Going gray is a natural process, starting at age 30 for men and age 35 for women, though years later for Asians and African-Americans.  However, I don’t know about going out in public with lady whiskers, sported by a few of my shut-in clients, and high-maintenance removal techniques ... I suppose it depends on whether lady whiskers draw unwanted attention or allow one to pass as a man with privileges? 

Ashton showed up with mostly brown hair for her presentation, This Chair Rocks: An Evening with Activist Author Ashton Applewhite, at Institute on Aging (IOA).  She stated her age 64, because ageism is reinforced by hiding one’s age.  However, I prefer to be person-first and age-less, like comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s remark about his former teenage girlfriend “is a person, not an age." 

Ashton was preaching to the choir of primarily older adults, mostly women, reminding us that all aging is successful until we’re dead; the sum of our experiences make us rich; losses are real, so we need friends of all ages and social connections, etc.  Her call to action was to start a consciousness-raising group, inviting us to check out her how-to booklet, “Who me, ageist?” 

Fortunately, aging anxiety drops with maturity as priorities change with age so older women focus more on function than appearance of their bodies.   

“I’ve spent an awful lot of time worrying about looking old, and I’m ready to give it a rest. … I want the world to recognize the beauty of time on a woman’s face, and if the world never will, I want, at least, to make peace with it in my own life. I want to be like one of those confident older women…wrinkles, gray hair, and all. …

Lately I’ve been thinking more about how to avoid the things I’m actually scared of about getting old: becoming set in my ways, stuck in my thinking or narrow in my influences. I want to keep my mind-set open, my life full of voices that are vibrant and diverse. That takes a lot of work too, but I’m confident it will have a greater return on investment than all the creams in the world. That was always the case, it just took me getting older to recognize it.” --Stella Bugbee, “Can Age-Shaming Be the Next Fat-Shaming?”, New York magazine(January 30, 2017)

According to Global GfK study (October 2016), the top 5 physical concerns around aging are:

• eyesight getting poorer
• not being as mentally alert /memory loss
• lacking energy
• having trouble taking care of themselves physically
• losing mobility / being unable to walk or drive

But there are key differences by country: Russia is the only country surveyed where “losing your teeth” is a top 5 concern, while China is the only country where “having digestive problems” is a top 5 concern.  South Korea included “gaining weight” (as did USA) and “getting wrinkles or sagging skin” (as did Japan) as top 5 concerns. According to a study published in The Lancet (February 21, 2017), women of South Korea are projected to have the highest life expectancy of 90.8 years.

Timeless fashion 

Kimono: Shades of IOA fashion show featured IOA staff modeling the work of 18 On Lok Lifeways participants who hand painted garments created as part of their care plans. 

Model shows kimono print of dragon in front, clock in back symbolizing late bloomer.  Expressive art therapist Tandrika Mayweather discussed value and benefits of the project: strengthening hand and eye coordination, gross and fine motor skills, use of imagery and symbolism (right brain) until language regained (left brain goes offline in trauma), and restoration as time slips away while in the zone of creative expression. 

Understanding Alzheimer’s disease

Alzheimer’s Foundation of America (AFA) celebrated its 15th year with AFA Educating America Tour: Concepts in Care Educational Conference, at Bentley Reserve. Loren Alving, MD, Director at UCSF Fresno Alzheimer & Memory Center, presented Unraveling Alzheimer’s Disease (AD): 6^th leading cause of death in U.S., and 1/3 cases of AD might be attributable to 7 potentially modifiable risk factors: diabetes, midlife hypertension, midlife obesity, physical inactivity, smoking, depression and low educational level (or life experiences). Yikes, this seems to describe many of my homebound clients!

AFA President Charles Fuschillo shared the stage with Dillon Campbell, son of musician Glen Campbell, who was commended for going public with diagnosis of AD to create more awareness and understanding towards a cure.  Dillon mentioned that his father treated AD with CBD from marijuana while living in Malibu, now “checked out” but physically strong in assisted living facility in Nashville. 

Dillon performed “Letter from a Son,” a song he wrote after learning his father had AD. 

Moira O’Neill, Director of Interpretation and Senior Researcher at FrameWorks Institute, discussed challenges in framing (how to communicate about) aging and how to advance understanding: 

• fatalistic (incurable) à ingenuity (serious problem, but resourceful in providing solution)
• paternalistic (objects of care, charity response) à justice (collective responsibility, systemic change)
• private trouble (individual choice, family responsibility) à support structures (everyone safe inside)

AFA conference also included The Hardest Crossword exercise, caregiver panel, free memory screenings, Quilt to Remember displays and resource tables.  Conference ended with The Beatles song, “In My Life,” which made me think about Life Story Work to enhance person-centered care for people with dementia. 

Lifelong advocacy

“Refreshments served” was more like a complete dinner at Rhoda Goldman Plaza, host site for this month’s At Home With Growing Older (AHWGO) forum, Advocate! 

Candiece Milford, Managing Director of Marketing at Rhoda Goldman Plaza, continues to host learning and networking events for residents and the public.  She mentioned that residents range from age 65 to 102, and many made Rhoda Goldman Plaza their home due to issues relating to stairs and taking out the trash.  AHWGO founder Susi Stadler announced her organization attaining nonprofit status. 

Speaker Barbara Kate Repa shared her 30 years of lifelong advocacy starting as a Nolo Press author of books on estate planning and end-of-life, member of Bay Area Funeral Society, and then volunteer with San Francisco Long-Term Care (LTC) Ombudsman (advocating for residents in LTC facilities; see this month’s CNN nursing home sex abuse investigative report) and IOA Friendship Line (10-minute phone calls).  She mentioned reverse ageism when older callers might question the credibility of younger volunteers, who are often students.  After all, book learning is no substitute for real world experiences to impart perspective, wisdom and perhaps peer support.  

Sheila Malkind mentioned her advocacy work with Legacy Film Festival on Aging (showcasing more honest representations of the aging experience) and Older Women’s League.  

AHWGO Board member Cathy Spensley’s advocacy work includes Aging and Disability Friendly SF and geriatric mental health at Felton Institute.  Cathy recommended signing up for Marie Jobling's monthly Community Living Campaign e-newsletter packed with aging and disability advocacy opportunities!

Seated behind Cathy is Odile Lavault, Jewish Home recreational therapist and advocate of Naomi Feil’s Validation Method.  

“Gray hair is a crown of beauty when it is found in the way of righteousness.”--Proverbs 16:31