"We're born alone, we
live alone, we die alone. Only through love and friendship can we create
the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." – Orson Welles
At birth, we’re alone in the sense of
separation from our mother’s womb and if we don’t have a conjoined twin.
Living with three generations under one roof
while growing up, I didn’t live alone except inside my head; in fact, the only
time I had privacy was when I was using the bathroom. When I went off to college, I was thrilled to
be alone in a room of my own (single occupancy) as I fancied myself a writer.
“…a woman must have money and a room of her own if she
is to write …”
– Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own (1929)
At SOMArts
Cultural Center
I missed the exhibit’s opening night last month
when I was at GSA meeting, missed its closing celebration due to working late,
but then I had the pleasure of being alone in the gallery space on its last
night!
Marlene Iyemura’s
Circle of Togetherness: “not a physical space. Instead, it is a transcendental state that
encourages self-awareness, critical thought and heartfelt processing … an
endless series of enso paintings brought about through meditation… one that
fulfills all my needs,…spiritual, physical, or emotional.”
Natalie Sacramento’s Three Mirrors of Self-Awakening:
“I’d awaken from restful sleep to a place where I accept myself, take
action, and heal. Self-Acceptance mirror
pours gold energy on the present. Self-Prescribed
mirror reflects my aspirations and potential.
Self-Healing mirror is where I see my resiliency.”
Hediana Utarti’s Tree of Life: “place where
humanity is cherished and peace is possible … banyan tree…refuge…”
Maggie Yee's Studio Euphoria: “place where I can be alone and where creativity does not compete with everyday responsibilities."
Reiko Fujii’s Curating
Joy: “where I feel at home with myself, surrounded by the inspirational
activities and connections with others that contribute to cultivating
happiness, confidence, and inner strength.”
Nancy Arvold’s Knitting
Together Community: “landscape with people playing and working together…
Creating community requires patience, work, and intertwining individual threads
together to make a resilient, beautiful whole.”
Susan Almazol’s Saying Yes: “where I say yes to the
Predictable markers of old age and to the Possible transformation still within
reach … transformed walkers playfully depict what’s Possible within the
Predictable.”
Irene Wibawa’s The
Cave: “represents essential elements of what I want … structure offers me
privacy and protection, reminding me that I am safe to be myself without fear of
judgment … wool lining offers me comfort while also reminding me to be soft and
kind to myself ….entrance…reminds me that this Place is unapologetic and
purposely mine.”
Workstation #3 Aspirations
that Carry Me Forward: Declare What You Want!
“Elder orphans”
Much has been written about the “problem of elder orphans” among the baby boom generation, who were one of the first to elect not to have children and now find themselves alone with no one
to help care for them when they need it:
- About one-third of Americans 45 to 63 years of age are
single, a 50% increase since 1980,
and in a position to become orphans as they age
- 1 in 5 single baby boomers is living in poverty
- Nearly one-quarter of Americans 65 and older, childless and
single, could become "elder orphans" with no family social
network of friends to provide care to them.
- In the absence of informal caregiving support, there are
not enough nursing homes and facilities to care for the growing number of
seniors who are on their own.
Can this “problem of elder orphans”
be averted by having children as potential sources of unpaid caregivers? In “The Future of Elder Orphans,” researchers Amy Ziettlow and Naomi Cahn found that few parents, who were cared for by their
children, do in fact die alone.
Maria
Torroella Carney, MD, chief of geriatric and palliative medicine at North
Shore-LIJ Health System in New York, suggested that elder orphans are a “vulnerable
population that’s likely to increase, and we need to determine what community,
social services, emergency response and educational resources can help them.” Indeed, one solution is
creating age-friendly communities with options like virtual villages, shared housing, and cohabitation.
Aging alone:
Gender vulnerability
More
people are aging alone because of demographic (longevity revolution), financial
(social security) and personal (quirkyalone is still alone,
more older couples divorcing mostly initiated by women)
reasons.
Eric Klinenberg’s Going Solo:The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone (2012) has a chapter, “Aging Alone,”
providing the following statistics:
- In 1950, only 1 in 10 Americans over age 65 lived
alone; today, about 1 in 3 do.
- A century ago, nearly 70% of elderly American
widows lived with a child; today, only 20% do.
- Majority of single elderly prefer living alone
over moving in with children or a nursing home.
- Only 2% of elderly widows and 20% of elderly
widowers remarry. Women who live
alone are less likely to experience mental health problems and diminished
vitality than their married peers.
- According to American Time Use Survey, between
2003 and 2006, the typical single elderly spent an average of 10 hours a
day alone.
Klinenberg notes that in
our "cult of the individual," baby boomers have made their ability to live alone
as a way to maintain independence, which they associate with dignity. Living alone does not necessarily lead to
loneliness and isolation; in fact, most solo dwellers are engaged in social and
civic life.
According to Klinenberg, aging
alone is not a social problem except in the event of a disaster. In his study of the 1995 Chicago
No one dies alone
Panel of Sages and
Spiritual Care Partners discussed Kol
Haneshema: Lessons Learned from Jewish Hospice Care at last month’s
Embracing the Journey at Jewish Community Center of San Francisco. Kol Haneshema program,
based on the belief that no one should die alone,
matches trained volunteers with an older person. One sage from the Jewish Home shared the saying of late Rabbi Alvin Fine of Temple Emanu-El: “Birth is a beginning and death a
destination; But life is a journey.”
Not alone
Had a very merry time at Kung Pao Kosher Comedy—my 1st time attending
because I wanted to support Legal Assistance to the Elderly, which was highly deserving beneficiary this year! 2 shows daily
over 3 nights, with over 2,000 attending December 24 to 26.
Kung pao (part of 7-course dinner) & veggie dim sum (cocktail)
Comedy
producer Lisa Geduldig also produced the award-winning documentary, Esther & Me (2010) about her friendship with Esther Weintraub, an octogenarian resident at the
Jewish Home in San Francisco, and founded the Jewish Home's Esther Weintraub Comedy Clinic
Comedian
Wendy Liebman said she thought she would be an old maid at age 42, but then married so with husband
and two stepsons, she is now the maid! Show
also included comedians Mike Fine and Dana Eagle.
Guests
received fortune cookies, with Yiddish messages like “A goat may have a beard, but that
doesn’t make it a rabbi” and “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after a few
days.”
The Invention of Female Adulthood
ReplyDeleteBY ELIZABETH WINKLER
February 18, 2016
…happy ending is still there...with the heroine’s recognition that she really, truly wants to be single—“to know who I am alone.”
These are the women Rebecca Traister writes about in her new book All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation. Instead of lamenting the absence of a wedding ring, they are embracing and enjoying their single status. It’s a seismic shift in attitudes from the obsessive husband-hunting... For most of history, unmarried women have been looked on as tragic and weird—at best, pitied as incomplete creatures doomed to die alone...The stigma surrounding unmarried women has finally begun to fall away for the simple reason that there are so many of them. In 2009, for the first time in American history, unmarried women outnumbered married women. By 2012, they made up almost a quarter (23%) of the electorate. They occupy every class, region, and racial group in America, and their numbers are rising every year. In 2014, there were 3.9 million more single adult women than in 2010…Formerly relegated to the margins of society, unmarried women are now reshaping the nation…
Not so long ago, the idea of women choosing to remain unmarried was a radical, fringe idea. It was championed only by a handful of feminists who saw marriage as a tool for the oppression and enslavement of women. Even Betty Friedan, author of The Feminine Mystique, didn’t advocate that women abandon marriage, only that they have the opportunity to pursue careers as well. Today, 70 percent of women say they would rather be unmarried than become housewives. How did the decision not to marry go from radical to simply normal?
As with many social developments, …abstention from marriage was first practiced among American women for whom marriage was no longer the best option—women in communities where men were incarcerated in large numbers, living in poverty, or unemployed. This is to say that the trend began with poor women and women of color, not privileged, glamorized socialites with trendy apartments and vast shoe collections. Rich white women co-opted the behavior of comparatively powerless women…
In the later decades of the twentieth century, education, employment and reproductive rights—the fruits of second wave feminism—made it increasingly possible for women to build independent lives. On top of this, the divorce surge of the late 1970s and 1980s made the unmarried woman a more common and accepted figure. At the same time, it forced the recognition that marriage is not necessarily the optimal state of affairs. Today women don’t need a husband to secure an income or a home,.... It is not so much that women are rejecting marriage as that they feel no great compulsion to marry. The revolution,…is in “the expansion of options,..By delaying or abstaining from marriage, Traister argues that these women may actually be helping to save marriage as an institution. They are holding it to a higher standard; they are demanding more of it—that it be an equal partnership, a true meeting of hearts and minds, not a functional arrangement for economic utility and social approval. Most women are still marrying at some point in their lives but only after they’ve spent many years leading their own lives and developing as independent adults. ..As it turns out, the states in which couples marry less frequently and at later ages are also the states with the lowest divorce rates.
… While married women devoted their time and energy to their families, America’s defiant spinsters tended to devote themselves to social and political movements. They fought for fair labor practices, the abolition of slavery, education reform, prohibition, and, of course, women’s suffrage...
The history of progress in America is, in many ways, the history of independent women… a whole society of women who have the chance to develop full, independent identities, to know who they are alone.
https://newrepublic.com/article/130059/invention-female-adulthood
Obama After Dark: The Precious Hours Alone
ReplyDeleteBy MICHAEL D. SHEAR
JULY 2, 2016
WASHINGTON — “Are you up?”
…Mr. Obama calls himself a “night guy,” and as president, he has come to consider the long, solitary hours after dark as essential as his time in the Oval Office. Almost every night that he is in the White House, Mr. Obama has dinner at 6:30 with his wife and daughters and then withdraws to the Treaty Room, his private office down the hall from his bedroom on the second floor of the White House residence.
There, his closest aides say, he spends four or five hours largely by himself.
He works on speeches. He reads …
The president also watches ESPN, reads novels or plays Words With Friends on his iPad.
…up so late he barely gets five hours of sleep a night. For Mr. Obama, the time alone has become more important.
“Everybody carves out their time to get their thoughts together. There is no doubt that window is his window,” said Rahm Emanuel, Mr. Obama’s first chief of staff. “You can’t block out a half-hour and try to do it during the day. It’s too much incoming. That’s the place where it can all be put aside and you can focus.”
“Everybody carves out their time to get their thoughts together. There is no doubt that window is his window,” said Rahm Emanuel, right, Mr. Obama’s first chief of staff.
… “A lot of times, for some of our presidential leaders, the energy they need comes from contact with other people,” said the historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, who has had dinner with Mr. Obama several times in the past seven and a half years. “He seems to be somebody who is at home with himself.”
… “He is thoroughly predictable in having gone through every piece of paper that he gets,” said Tom Donilon, Mr. Obama’s national security adviser from 2010 to 2013. “You’ll come in in the morning, it will be there: questions, notes, decisions.”
…To stay awake, the president does not turn to caffeine. He rarely drinks coffee or tea, and more often has a bottle of water next to him than a soda. His friends say his only snack at night is seven lightly salted almonds.
…In 2014, Mr. Obama told Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan of ABC’s “Live With Kelly and Michael” that he stayed up even later — “until like 2 o’clock at night, reading briefings and doing work” — and added that he woke up “at a pretty reasonable hour, usually around 7.”
‘Can You Come Back?’
Mr. Obama’s longest nights — the ones that stretch well into the early morning — usually involve speeches.
…“There’s something about the night,” Mr. Keenan said, reflecting on his boss’s use of the time. “It’s smaller. It lets you think.”
…The president also uses the time to catch up on the news, skimming The New York Times, The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal on his iPad or watching cable.
…There is time, too, for fantasy about what life would be like outside the White House. Mr. Emanuel, who is now the mayor of Chicago but remains close to the president, said he and Mr. Obama once imagined moving to Hawaii to open a T-shirt shack that sold only one size (medium) and one color (white). Their dream was that they would no longer have to make decisions.
During difficult White House meetings when no good decision seemed possible, Mr. Emanuel would sometimes turn to Mr. Obama and say, “White.” Mr. Obama would in turn say, “Medium.”
Now Mr. Obama, who has six months left of solitary late nights in the Treaty Room, seems to be looking toward the end. Once he is out of the White House, he said in March at an Easter prayer breakfast in the State Dining Room, “I am going to take three, four months where I just sleep.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/03/us/politics/obama-after-dark-the-precious-hours-alone.html
Aging Solo: Okay, I don’t have a child to help me, but I do have a plan
ReplyDeleteBy Sheila Sullivan Zubrod
August 15
…Now that I find myself living with my 94-year-old mother in a Florida city where preacher Billy Graham got his start and being a never-wed 60-something has made me a tourist attraction of sorts, I finally understand why I thought the repercussions of growing old without a child or two would not apply to me: I was just plain delusional.
As a New Yorker flush with friends, freelance work, Broadway tickets and great Botox, I had apparently existed in some sort of fun, singles bubble. It was a lifestyle so rewarding that I never read even one article about the stresses of the “sandwich generation.”
If there is good news to be gleaned, it’s that I’m most definitely not alone. Indeed, 25 million men and women — a whopping one-third of all 75 million baby boomers turning 52 to 70 this year — are doing so sans progeny. That doesn’t count boomer parents who have lost a child or have one who is severely impaired.
The Aging Solo pool also includes countless members of families plagued by addiction, disease, cults, rapacious children, even married progeny who much prefer their in-laws. While millions of Aging Soloists have siblings and other kin, many of us can’t imagine (or abide) having them shepherd us to our final rest.
This is not a story of remorse that I forgot to have a baby. Rather, I’m an Aging Solo pioneer, riding the front of the coming demographic tsunami…
We need a manifesto on how to age without children — but with our friends — from choosing the best place for us to grow old to making sure we know our best friends’ Plan B logistics before they all disappear on us…
…Location is HUGE to anyone aging solo. One by one, once she reached 82, my widowed mother’s small circle of pals in New Port Richey had all died or moved closer to their children, leaving her surrounded by much younger couples with kids. She knew these families would never be her friends, no matter how hard she tried. “Just neighbors,” she sighed.
My parents had made plans for active retirement but not for old age. Having turned in her driver’s license and unable to walk a half-mile to the supermarket, my mother never imagined she had any choice except to stay put and try her best not to complain. She ended up cursed by dementia. At 91 and unable to cope, her fallback strategy kicked in: me.
…Remember this: When you’re past 50 and single, location is 75 percent of the enchilada. Subways matter. Proximity to friends matters. Suburban seniors communities felt to me like slow death. I found senior centers and assisted-living facilities profoundly lonely because, it seems, the art of making friends does not grow as we age, and not everyone likes endless bingo and dominoes on Tuesdays, followed by a prayer service.
So, how is a single woman like me supposed to age without a Good Daughter? I had no answers as I wondered how we 25 million childless boomers would fare in our own hour of the wolf.
After watching my outgoing, ever optimistic mother madly flounder in a posh Tampa assisted-living facility, I pulled her out to care for her in my small, two-bedroom apartment. Since 2014, I’ve learned something vital: It’s better to plan a more personal assisted-living future with your own friends while in your 50s or 60s. That will give you time to choose a location with diverse people and culture, with neighborhoods that have sidewalks and public transit.
…Studies show that seniors want to live and die in their own home. Why not focus instead on aging with a close group of friends committed to collective living and decision-making, along with paperwork management? If we don’t become a highly visible Aging Solo movement, or at least sound a loud wake-up call, we’ll be sucked into a slow glide to a socially (and perhaps financially) impoverished old age….
https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/aging-solo-okay-i-dont-have-a-child-to-help-me-but-i-do-have-a-plan/2016/08/15/2af75e9a-49c7-11e6-90a8-fb84201e0645_story.html
"Elder orphans" band together for support and advice
ReplyDeleteKim Painter , Special for USA TODAY 6:06 a.m. EDT October 16, 2016
At 55, Nanette Witmer retired from her job in Denver and, with a new husband, moved to David, Panama. Their plan was to age together in a low-cost paradise. Eighteen months later, the husband was gone and Witmer found herself contemplating a future as an “elder orphan” — someone aging without a spouse, partner or children.
Witmer, now 59, decided her best bet was to stay in Panama. “The support group here is phenomenal,” she says, largely made up of other American retirees eager to help and connect with one another. “I don’t think I would find the same group in America. … I lived in my house in Denver for almost 22 years and I didn’t really know my neighbors.”
…“We’re seeing more individuals aging alone,” says Maria Torroella Carney, chief of geriatric and palliative medicine at Long Island Jewish Medical Center and North Shore University Hospital in New York…
About 20% of U.S. women now reach their 50s without having children, up from 10% in the 1970s, says a recent report on caregiving from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine. And one third of middle-age adults are heading toward retirement years as singles, after never marrying, divorce or widowhood, the report says. Women, especially, are likely to stay single or become single as they age, with more than 80% unmarried after age 85, according to other government statistics.
While many may treasure their independence, the problem is that, sooner or later, most people need help with health care and household tasks — help that most often is provided by spouses or grown children, according to the caregiving report.
Many people, Carney says, realize too late — when they are in a hospital or are otherwise in crisis — that they do not have the support they need.
…Some elder orphans are deciding to move in together or form other communal arrangements. …Marianne Kilkenny. Kilkenny, 66, retired from a Silicon Valley career in human resources a decade ago with the idea that she “wanted to live like the Golden Girls.” …sharing several houses in Asheville, N.C., with other older adults — and founded an organization called Women for Living in Community. She’s also written a book, Your Quest for Home.
Among her tips for house-sharing: Aim for separate bathrooms, set rules on “alone time,” and pick your housemates carefully. “People think this is going to work without any effort and that just is not the case,” she says.
Kilkenny now is trying something different: living solo, but "in community" with several neighbors... She and her neighbors, including a younger family with a child, get together for weekly potluck dinners, have gardened and exercised together, and generally keep an eye out for one another.
…It’s smart to look for such solutions while you are relatively young, sharp and healthy, Carney says. Here are some things she says you can do to prepare if you are at risk for becoming an elder orphan:
• Look at where you live and ask yourself some questions. Do you know your neighbors and have a sense of community? Will you be able to walk to stores and activities when you can no longer drive? Could you relocate to be near supportive family members or friends?
• Check out resources, …help you stay engaged in your community. Look for delivery services for groceries, medicines and other essentials.
• Identify someone who can help make health care decisions for you in a crisis (called a health care proxy or durable power of attorney for health care). This could be a friend if a family member is not available or appropriate. Talk with this person and draw up the papers to make it official.
• Reach out to distant or estranged family members and friends. Mending fences might make your life much richer now and in the future.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2016/10/16/elder-orphans-aging-support-advice/91847270/
How to Plan for Aging If You're an 'Elder Orphan'
ReplyDeleteWithout family members to lean on for assistance in your later years, you must plan ahead so you don't age alone.
By Teresa Mears | Contributor
Nov. 17, 2016, at 2:03 p.m.
…Older people often need help navigating the health care system, making financial decisions and even with daily living tasks such as cooking and keeping house. And while you may be able to pay people to help with some tasks, at some point you will still need assistance from people you trust.
If you don’t have family who will step up, cultivating strong friendships becomes essential.
“You’re on your own, and you don’t want to be completely on your own,” says Walter Updegrave, an author and journalist who published the website Real Deal Retirement. “You want to really work hard to have a broad social network.”
To build community while you’re still in good health, consider working part time, volunteering and being active in a religious congregation. “It’s important for all retirees to have these social connections,” Updegrave says. “If you don’t have family, it’s even more important for you to do this.”
…Having a trusted financial advisor, accountant, elder care attorney and even a geriatric care manager, if you can find one, can be helpful, but it's unlikely to be enough without family and friends.
“You can pay people to do a lot of things, but they don’t always want to stand in your shoes and make those decisions for you,” Adam says.
…Here are nine steps to take if you expect to grow old without family:
Save money. … to take you to doctor’s appointments, deliver groceries, cook meals, help you bathe and clean your house, you will need to pay people.
Get your documents in order. Meet with an elder care attorney to draw up a will, a health care proxy, a living trust and any other documents you will need if you need help managing your financial life. You should revisit those documents annually and make revisions as needed.
Organize your financial life. Consolidate accounts, make a list of passwords, document your assets and automate retirement account distributions and bill paying – and then write down what you’ve automated in case someone else needs to know.
Find a health care surrogate. … what you’d like to have happen in different situations. Write out as much as you can ahead of time.
Build a social network. … Nurture your relationships, and help your friends with the tasks you may need help with someday.
Plan for your later years. Investigate communal living options or organizations that will help you age in place, such as the Village to Village Network. Decide whether you want to move closer to nieces and nephews or to a different community. The time to do the research and make changes is before you need the help.
Create a team of advisors. … make money decisions.
Consider long-term care options.
Stay active. Good health and the ability to get up and down from the floor may determine whether you’re able to care for yourself and age in place.
http://money.usnews.com/money/retirement/aging/articles/2016-11-17/how-to-plan-for-aging-if-youre-an-elder-orphan
Alone And Aging: Creating A Safety Net for Isolated Seniors
ReplyDeleteBy Sharon Jayson November 28, 2016
…“elder orphans” — seniors with no relatives to help them deal with physical and mental health challenges. Their rising numbers prompted the American Geriatrics Society this week to unveil guidelines for a segment of these older adults who can no longer make their own medical decisions and have no designated surrogates…
Single seniors have always existed, but demographic and social changes have slowly transformed aging America. In 1900, average life expectancy was 47. Now, the combination of increased longevity, the large and graying baby boom generation, the decline in marriage, the rise in divorce, increased childlessness and family mobility has upended the traditional caregiving support system…
New 2015 U.S. Census data also reflects more elders who live alone — 42.8 percent of those 65 and older. Yet new twists have emerged, such as cohousing, in which people live independently in housing clusters with a common building for meals and socializing. Such thinking, said gerontologist Jan Mutchler, of the University of Massachusetts Gerontology Institute in Boston, suggests a “shift [in] the way people are thinking about who can I rely on and who’s going to be there for me.”
… “People in general avoid planning for unpleasant things,” she said. “A lot of people don’t have wills or think about long-term care or what they would do if they needed it.”
Timothy Farrell, a physician and associate professor at the University of Utah School of Medicine in Salt Lake City who worked on the new policies, said he would “regularly encounter patients with no clear surrogate decision maker.”
The guidelines include “identifying ‘non-traditional’ surrogates — such as close friends, neighbors, or others who know a person well.”
Boosting social ties among elders is part of a national campaign launched last week by the AARP Foundation and the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging, a nonprofit. The aim is to combat loneliness.
Krantzman says insomnia, which has plagued her for decades, has deepened her isolation.
“I had to give up having close friends and that is one of the reasons why I find myself so alone,” she said.
Although she works part-time and lives in a government complex for low-income seniors, Krantzman said the computer she bought at age 62 has expanded her reach to connect with others.
“The computer is so important to me because I have so few people in my life,” she said. “Having the computer thoroughly altered my entire life.”
http://khn.org/news/alone-and-aging-creating-a-safety-net-for-isolated-seniors/
Elder orphans a growing segment of U.S. senior population
ReplyDeleteBy Shelly Birkelo
JANESVILLE—Michael Rhodes' biggest fear is falling because he can't get up by himself.
His fear is real. Once, the remote control to his fan fell off his bed, and he slid off the bed, too, while trying to retrieve it.
“I laid there and hollered for help for a half-hour until apartment neighbors walked by and heard me,” Rhodes said.
Fortunately, his door was unlocked, so his neighbors could get in. They ended up calling 911 because they couldn't lift him, he said.
Rhodes wasn't hurt, but he knows more life challenges lie ahead.
Rhodes uses a cane and wheelchair to get around. He suffers from macular degeneration, an eye disease that progressively impairs vision, and COPD, a common lung disease. He also doesn't drive.
The 71-year-old Air Force veteran is known as an "elder orphan." The term was coined 25 years ago by Dr. Maria Carney, a New York-area geriatrician, to describe an older person who has no spouse, partner, children or family nearby.
FEARS AND CHALLENGES
The biggest fear elder orphans face is that something will happen to them in the middle of the night, and no one will be around, Marak said.
Other worries include affordable housing, health care costs, transportation, being isolated and finding someone trustworthy for medical and financial directives, she said…
RESOURCES AND SERVICES
Aging and Disability Resource Center specialists look at each situation individually to learn which natural supports exist and which free services might be available…
CONNECTING ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Marak, 65, who lives in Waco, Texas, is also an elder orphan. She created a Facebook group for people like herself in February.
“It is the quickest and fastest way to connect with people so we can share our concerns, hopes, wishes and find people to banter ideas with,” she said…
THE FUTURE
…Family Care, which started in 1998, is a national model for long-term care that helps frail elders and adults with disabilities get the services they need to stay in their homes.
…In July, the state announced the program would expand statewide, and the waiting list for services including personal care, transportation, home health services, medical equipment and supplies would be eliminated…
http://www.gazettextra.com/20161203/elder_orphans_a_growing_segment_of_us_senior_population
ReplyDeleteOur Views: Becoming invisible
GAZETTE EDITORIAL BOARD
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Many of us are not as independent as we'd like to believe.
Sooner or later, we become dependent, and nobody knows this better than our nation's aging baby boomers.
Baby boomers eagerly took advantage of new freedoms afforded by disruptions to the nation's economic and social fabric after World War II. They were the first generation to break completely free from the nation's agricultural roots. No longer tied to the land, they moved from place to place while climbing the corporate ladder. Women's rights gave women more economic independence and more freedom to leave failing marriages.
But this independence has been, in many ways, an illusion. The trade-off for mobility and economic power was the break-up of families and communities, and one consequence is a group of people known as elder orphans. An estimated 30 percent of Rock County senior citizens live alone, many without any family nearby; it's the fastest growing segment of our population, but few people are talking about it.
As reporter Shelly Birkelo explained in her Sunday story, elder orphans are united in their worries and fears about many issues, including whether anyone will notice if they need medical help. Many elder orphans suffer from loneliness and depression, along with the effects of dementia.
Nearly 10,000 baby boomers turn 65 each day. This is one of the nation's largest-ever demographic shifts, perhaps rivaled only by the large numbers of women who suddenly became widows during the Civil War.
The elder orphan phenomenon was rare years ago because grandparents typically lived with their grown-up children. Instead of being enrolled into nursing homes, grandparents spent their last days at home, often dying with loved ones next to them.
Humanity does best when surrounded by others. Americans celebrate an ethos of independence, but dependence is what binds communities and feeds us emotionally.
Fortunately, Rock County has resources available to seniors who live alone. The state's Family Care program, for instance, expanded recently into Rock County, and it's become a national model for long-term care of elders.
Meeting the physical needs of elder orphans is important, but the community should also think about what it can do to lift up elder orphans emotionally.
Let's make a commitment to adopt our elder orphans. This could be as simple as making sure to visit a neighbor you know lives alone and has no family nearby. It could mean cooking a meal together, playing a game of cards, or checking in every few days to ask how that person is doing.
Communities comprise people living together and sharing resources, but that sense of togetherness can be elusive. Though elder orphans might live in a neighborhood filled with families, many families often keep to themselves.
Don't be that family.
When it comes to elder orphans, we need to embrace dependence and acknowledge the pitfalls of independence. It's OK for elders to need the rest of us and for us to need them.
http://www.gazettextra.com/20161208/our_views_becoming_invisible
On front lines of heat wave, home-aid workers become lifeline
ReplyDeleteBy Evan Sernoffsky
June 22, 2017
Thanks to chronic lung disease, arthritis and a pair of hip replacements, just getting through the day can be challenging for Katherine Winn. So when the mercury shoots over 100 degrees before noon, things get pretty unpleasant for the 66-year-old Antioch resident.
The story is the same around the Bay Area, where a heat wave that came to a crescendo Thursday prompted public officials to focus on the most vulnerable, urging them to stay cool however possible. And, as is often the case, aid workers who deliver services to homes were on the front lines.
Winn’s apartment was one of hundreds of stops for a local crew of Meals on Wheels volunteers that knew triple-digit temperatures can be deadly for the clientele. The volunteers seek immediate help if a person appears ill — or if they don’t answer the door at all.
But Winn was doing OK when her guest arrived, even though the temperature was climbing toward a high of 106 in Antioch, making it the region’s hottest spot.
“It’s miserable, but what can you do?” she said, sitting in front of a fan in her modest home. “I just stay in from outside.”
Every weekday, the team of Contra Costa County volunteers goes door-to-door to bring food and to check in with their clients in one of the most consistently hot parts of the Bay Area. Many like Winn are low-income, have mobility issues and can’t afford basic needs, let alone an air conditioner and the electric bills that come with it.
“It isn’t just that it’s hot. It’s that many of our seniors are alone,” said Suzanna Meyer, a community engagement officer for the Meals on Wheels program called Senior Outreach Services. “In a case like this, our volunteer drivers are unfortunately way too often the only person our seniors see all day.”
No one has died from this heat wave in Contra Costa County, according to the coroner’s office, and volunteers delivering meals Thursday wanted to keep it that way. They knew that in Santa Clara County, a 72-year-old man and an 87-year-old woman died from heat-related illness Monday — four days into the week-long furnace blast hitting the West Coast.
Winn lives with her daughter and calls herself a “24/7” because she needs round-the-clock medical care. Most of her day is spent in bed watching “murder” on TV, she said, describing her favorite crime dramas. She got out of bed, though, when Denise Sandoval knocked on her door with her day’s meal…Next on her route was Jerry Moore, 77. who lives alone in a single-story apartment and uses a wheelchair. Unlike many of the residents served by Meals on Wheels, he has an air conditioner, but he was waiting until the hottest part of the day to turn it on….He wore nothing but shorts.
…losing power during a heat wave is a big concern. More than 350,000 people around the Bay Area have experienced outages since Friday as Pacific Gas and Electric Co. crews scramble to deal with the extra demand on the system.
…With Antioch projected to eclipse 100 degrees Thursday, many older residents — often those with better mobility — headed to the Antioch Senior Center to listen to live music, eat free meals, play games and hang out…with no air conditioner at home, the 75-year-old was especially thankful for the facility.
“This helps people that don’t have anyone,” Butler said. “It’s sad. Some our our seniors don’t have people to check on them.”
Evan Sernoffsky is a San Francisco Chronicle staff writer. Email: esernoffsky@sfchronicle.comTwitter: @evansernoffsky
http://www.sfchronicle.com/news/article/On-front-lines-of-heat-wave-home-aid-workers-11240765.php
Are You Ready for Solo Agers and Elder Orphans?
ReplyDeleteposted 12.27.2017
By Sara Zeff Geber
What will be different about the baby boom generation when they start to need aid and assistance in their daily activities? On the surface…not much. They are living longer and healthier, but will eventually encounter many of the same challenges previous generations have experienced: cancer, heart problems, falls, diabetes, etc. Many of these conditions can be treated at home or in a residential facility, with supplemental aid provided by a family member.
However, with the baby boomers, family members will be in shorter supply. The Pew Research Center found that the rate of childlessness among boomers is around 20 percent – double what it had been in previous generations! In other words, one in five boomers will not have adult children to help them when independent living becomes difficult or impossible. I call these childless boomers – whether married or single – the “Solo Agers.” A slightly different group is the “Elder Orphans” – those with no spouse or significant other and no family nearby. For this article, I am lumping them both into one cohort and calling them Solo Agers.
Adult children won’t be there to help Solo Agers find caregivers or a new place to live. If they continue to live in their private homes, as most people are inclined to do, any number of problems can set in: mismanagement of medication, improper treatment of wounds, poor nutrition, susceptibility to scams, isolation, and loneliness. With enough planning and support, these Solo Agers might be able to age in place, but many will eventually need residential care (though they may not accept it easily). With no adult children to do the research necessary to find a suitable new community, and then manage the move, that transition becomes even more problematic. What can be done?
First, it’s important to look at the interests and needs of this segment of the boomer population. Baby boomers without adult children and grandchildren are most often white, highly educated and have deep roots in the U.S. Many are reasonably affluent. Solo Agers’ extended families are often small and may live far away.
Like those who do have family, these groups want to stay as independent as possible for as long as possible. They are also interested in a healthy lifestyle, based as much as possible on outdoor living – at least in the warmer months. They want choice – in as many areas as possible. They have been the masters of their universe for a long time and they will not easily give up that privilege. They may not have family around, but they have friends and those friends are important to them. They will also want to continue to pursue learning and development, even as they approach their centenary mark.
Solo Agers also need to arrange future legal guardianship for themselves – someone who will take over in a fiduciary capacity if they are unable to make decisions for themselves. That person may be a relative or a friend or even a professional fiduciary or private guardian. Of course, everyone needs the legal protection of a health care directive and an estate plan, but Solo Agers have a heightened need to have those in place while they are still relatively young and healthy since no adult child will be rushing in from the hinterlands to provide that assistance and guidance.
In subtle and not-so-subtle ways, the baby boomers are a very different population cohort than we have ever seen before and many of them will not have family nearby – or at all. ..
Sara Zeff Geber, Ph.D. is the author of Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers: A Retirement and Aging Roadmap for single and Childless Adults.
http://www.asaging.org/blog/are-you-ready-solo-agers-and-elder-orphans
Single? No Kids? Don’t Fret: How to Plan Care in Your Later Years
ReplyDeleteRetiring
By SUSAN B. GARLAND
MARCH 23, 2018
…To help avoid the potential perils of a solitary old age, Ms. Peveler is carrying out a multipronged, go-it-alone plan. A key part of it was to find a small community where she could make friends and walk nearly everywhere, without worrying about the hazards of ice and snow.
…Ms. Peveler paid $135,000 cash for a one-story house with longevity in mind. One of the three bedrooms, she said, can be converted into an apartment if she needs a caretaker to move in. She is thinking of checking out assisted-living facilities in case she ever needs more than home care. (There is a family history of dementia, she said.) Several mini-strokes caused some cognitive impairment, so her doctor monitors her regularly.
With a brother on the West Coast and no nieces or nephews to step in, Ms. Peveler has, through her church and several civic activities, developed a surrogate family of friends and neighbors, many of them several decades younger, who keep tabs on her. For added protection, she signed up for a service, EyeOn App, that signals three friends if she does not reply within a half-hour to scheduled alerts on her cellphone.
…Ms. Peveler is among a growing number of older Americans who are unmarried and childless. By 2030, about 16 percent of women 80 to 84 will be childless, compared with about 12 percent in 2010, according to a 2013 report by AARP.
...Older single and childless people are at higher risk than those with children for facing medical problems, cognitive decline and premature death, according to a 2016 study led by Dr. Maria Torroella Carney, chief of geriatric and palliative medicine at the Northwell Health system on Long Island. The study noted that about 22 percent of people 65 and older either are childless or have children who are not in contact.
… “People who are aging alone need to make plans when they are independent and functional,” she said. “They need to learn about the resources in the community and the appropriate time to start using them.” Those services could include senior-friendly housing and the growing number of home-delivered products and services aimed at the aging-solo market, such as healthy meals and doctors who make house calls…
One of the first steps childless people should take is to hire an elder law lawyer, who can draw up documents that will protect them if they become incapacitated. Childless people typically turn to a friend, a lawyer, clergy, or a niece or nephew to make medical decisions, …A bank’s trust unit can take on financial tasks, with a friend, a relative or a lawyer monitoring the bank’s decisions.
Christina Lesher, an elder law lawyer in Houston, suggests appointing a “micro board,” which includes the lawyer, the health care and financial agents, an accountant and a geriatric care manager.
…Dr. Carney recommends that people aging alone consider a senior-friendly “congregate living” arrangement. Besides offering a variety of services, such housing can lessen isolation, which her research shows can lead to physical and cognitive decline. If that is not possible, she said, elder orphans should move closer to shopping, medical care, recreation and senior support services.
One housing option with a built-in support system is a continuing care retirement community.
…With no one to oversee their care, elder orphans who want to remain in their own homes for as long as possible could enlist a geriatric care manager, who monitors elderly clients and coordinates care.
…Meanwhile, a growing number of volunteer neighborhood groups are providing both social connections and practical help to older people who are at home alone. More than 200 organizations in the Village to Village Network, including “villages” in the New York area, provide rides to medical appointments, snow removal, home repairs and computer support...Tax-deductible membership fees can range from $100 to $400.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/23/business/elder-orphans-care.html
'Naked hermit' evicted after nearly three decades on deserted island
ReplyDeleteBy Michelle Robertson, SFGATE
Published 2:30 pm, Monday, June 25, 2018
An elderly man who spent close to 30 years living alone on a deserted island has been forced back into civilization, according to reports.
Masafumi Nagasaki lived a simple existence alone on Sotobanari, a small island in the southwest of Okinawa, Japan. The 82-year-old is thought to be the longest-surviving voluntary castaway in modern history.
Nagasaki became known as the "naked nomad" in 2012 after Reutersprofiled the then-76-year-old. He said he planned to die on the island and only returned to civilization once a week, to buy food and drinking water and collect a $120 stipend his family sends.
The hermit's idyllic lifestyle came to an end in April, according to News.com.au, when authorities forcibly evicted Nagasaki and deposited him in government housing in the city of Ishigaki. Nagasaki was reportedly too weak to fight back, and possibly suffered from the flu.
It's not entirely clear why Nagasaki cast himself on the island in 1989, but some accounts claim he once was a married photographer and nightclub owner with two children.
Alvaro Cerezo, who documents castaways, spent five days with Nagasaki before his departure and documented the experience on his blog. Cerezo said Nagasaki was once a "city man with no outdoor experience," but "exploded" one day after seeing how polluted the sea was during a plane ride.
Nagasaki packed his bags and set up camp, intending to stay only two years. He stayed nearly 30 instead.
He told Cerezo: "Here, on the island, I don't do what people tell me to do, I just follow nature's rules. You can't dominate nature so you have to obey it completely."
https://www.sfgate.com/world/article/Naked-hermit-island-japan-nagasaki-deserted-evict-13024881.php
http://paradise.docastaway.com/old-japanese-nude-remote-island/
When Needs Arise, These Older Women Have One Another’s Backs
ReplyDeleteBy Judith Graham December 20, 2018
NEW YORK — …The Caring Collaborative — an innovative program that originated a decade ago in New York City and has since spread to Philadelphia and San Francisco — brings older women together to help one another when short-term illness or disability strikes, addressing an all-too-often unmet need.
People who live alone, like most Caring Collaborative members, frequently worry about finding this kind of assistance. Across the U.S., 35 percent of women age 65 and older fall into this category. For women 75 and above, the number is even higher: 46 percent.
Once these women might have relied on nearby family, neighbors or churches for support. But today, families are dispersed, neighbors are often strangers, and churches reach fewer people than in the past.
The Caring Collaborative has three core elements: an information exchange, which members use to share information about medical conditions and medical providers; a service corps of women who volunteer to provide hands-on assistance to other members; and small neighborhood groups that meet monthly to talk about health topics and personal concerns. (Groups in San Francisco and Philadelphia have adopted some but not all of these components.)
In New York City, many members are retired professionals who want to make new friends and explore activities after leaving the workforce. They come to the Caring Collaborative through its parent organization, The Transition Network, a national organization for women 50 and older undergoing changes in later life.
Barbara Alpern, 72, current chair of New York City’s Caring Collaborative, joined four years ago after retiring from a demanding 28-year career in employee benefits consulting and becoming ill with a serious infection and complications from diabetes. Unmarried, she lives alone and had focused on work at the expense of friendship.
“I realized I had nobody I could easily count on,” she said.
…Members agree in writing not to reveal confidential information about one another, give medical advice or perform medical tasks such a bandaging a wound or giving someone medication. A two-hour orientation is required. Fundraising and an annual $100 membership fee for The Transition Network covers costs for the program, run almost entirely by volunteers. (In New York, a part-time employee handles requests for information and in-person assistance. People making the request remain anonymous until a personal connection is approved.)
…Like many groups, hers is a source of regular solace. “People are really willing to share stories that show their vulnerabilities,” Anstendig said. “There’s a lot of trust, and it makes you feel that you’re not alone in dealing with all kinds of problems.”
Can the Caring Collaborative’s “mutual support in aging” program be replicated in other communities? Mimi Grinker, a consultant who two years ago started a similar initiative, Living Well Together at the Marlene Mayerson Jewish Community Center in Manhattan, is convinced it can, in whole or in part.
Senior centers, aging organizations, senior housing complexes and other community groups could implement the “information exchange” component at a minimum, she suggested. (The Caring Collaborative has created a guide to replicating its program, a bit out of date and available here.)
What’s required: reaching out to older women in your community, assessing their needs and interests, finding individuals willing to step up as volunteer leaders, and developing an orientation that establishes clear roles and responsibilities.
Barbara Stahura, 65, a longtime health care executive and prior chair of New York City’s Caring Collaborative, calls this “help insurance.” Unpaid. Informal. But essential. “You need to plan for it before you need it,” she said, and belonging to a group of this kind is one way to accomplish that.
https://khn.org/news/when-needs-arise-these-older-women-have-one-anothers-backs/
Living alone in America
ReplyDeleteBY JOSEPH CHAMIE, OPINION CONTRIBUTOR — 07/19/21
Over the past seven decades, America has gone through a historic transformation in household living arrangements with a record proportion of adults, now one in seven, living alone, amounting to more than one-quarter of all U.S. households.
…since 1950, the proportion of adults living alone in the U.S. has tripled to about 15 percent. Approximately 36 million men and women now live alone, representing a record high of 28 percent of all U.S. households.
Among the factors contributing to the rise of living alone are migration from rural areas to cities, increased economic opportunities, the rise of wage labor and the desire for personal independence. In addition, other important factors giving rise to one-person households are women’s labor force participation, delayed marriage, increased divorce, the rise of single-parent households, the decline in stigma of living alone, childbearing at older ages, and increase of older adults living alone.
…The proportion of Americans living alone varies considerably by age and sex…22 percent for those aged 65 to 74 years and jumps to approximately 33 percent for those aged 75 years and older.
Before age 65, men are more likely to live alone than women. After age 65, however, that trend reverses. Approximately 80 percent of the elderly living alone in America are women.
At ages 75 and older, the proportion of women living alone is close to double that of men, 45 versus 23 percent. This reversal in living alone among elderly Americans is largely due to women’s higher life expectancies, younger ages at first marriage and lower likelihood to remarry.
The proportions who live alone also vary across U.S. states and cities. About 17 percent of adults live alone in some states, such as North Dakota, Vermont, Ohio and Maine, amounting to about one-third of all households. In contrast, in other states, such as Utah, Hawaii, California and Texas, the percentage is between 9 to 12 percent, approximately one-quarter of all households.
In addition, no less than nine large U.S. cities, including Atlanta, Cleveland, New Orleans, St. Louis and Washington, D.C., have approximately one-quarter of their adult residents living alone. Those one-person households account for nearly half of all households in those cities.
Globally, however, extended family households are the most common, accounting for close to 40 percent of all people, followed by two-parent family households with approximately one-third of the world’s population.
…living alone has become increasingly prevalent in developed countries. For example, single-person households represent slightly more than half of all households in Sweden and account for more than 40 percent of households in Denmark, Finland, Germany and Lithuania.
Living alone has a number of pros and cons that vary by an individual’s circumstances, preferences and needs within a social, economic and cultural context. For example, living alone is typically more costly than sharing a dwelling, but it offers more privacy, freedom and independence.
Also, living alone makes it easier to choose a lifestyle without judgment, interference and oversight. Yet, it comes with risks of emotional loneliness and financial insecurity, especially for elderly persons.
During the height of the coronavirus pandemic, when socializing was discouraged and people were confined to their homes, people living alone were more likely to experience more loneliness, depression and social isolation than others. However, living alone had the beneficial effect of reducing one’s chances of becoming infected by the coronavirus…
https://thehill.com/opinion/finance/563786-living-alone-in-america